What'd you do this time?
by spacemonkeylover
Summary: SG1 wakes up in a cell, not sure what they did to get there includes one unconscious astrophysisist, a caffine deprived archaeologist, a MR Muscle and a Colonel. Please R


Disclaimer: Stargate SG1 isn't mine (in my delusional little mind I do own it, but my shrink thinks otherwise so for now it isn't mine lol).  
  
What'd you do this time?  
  
Jack had just about enough slack in his chains that he could wipe the blood from his mouth with his sleeve. He was chained at the wrists and the ankles, half hanging from the ceiling he could make out the other members of his team in the dim light.  
  
"Carter, you okay?" He asked hoarsely.  
  
"I believe Major Carter is unconscious O'Neill." Teal'c stated. He was the closest to their female teammate and could nudge her with his foot if necessary.  
  
"Ah crap! Danny, you okay?"  
  
"Yes Jack, if you count hanging from the ceiling of a cell by chains that cut into your skin making the sand rub into the cuts fine, then I'm just peachy."  
  
The sound of chains rattling told Jack that Daniel was trying to turn around and glare at him.  
  
"How long have we been hanging like this?" Jack asked knowing full well that none of them had their watches anymore, those along with their weapons and packs had been taken by the natives.  
  
"For several hours at least." Daniel moaned.  
  
"Half an hour O'Neill."  
  
"Daniel, why do you always make the worst out of our situations?" Jack said scanning the walls, floor and ceiling for any way out of the cell that didn't involve the door.  
  
"I only state the truth. It feels like we have been here for hours, my feet don't touch the floor like yours so the chains are really cutting into my wrists, Sam is unconscious so won't be able to get us out like usual..."  
  
"Hey!" Jack cut the archaeologist off. "We are perfectly capable of getting our own butts out of here and you are only like an inch shorter than me!"  
  
"Yes, but that inch makes all the difference when you're chained to the ceiling."  
  
There was a loud clanging of chains and a thud as Teal'c pulled his chains from the ceiling.  
  
"Thank your lucky stars Danny boy, our very own Mr Muscle is here to save your annoying fat arse!" Jack laughed as he dropped to the floor with a thud.  
  
"I do not have a fat arse!"  
  
"Daniel Jackson, if you do not stop moving around I will not be able to pull you free." Teal'c said grabbing the swinging man around the waist then pulling the chains out.  
  
"Thanks Teal'c." Daniel said trying to untangle himself from the mess of chains surrounding him. "Just one question, how are we going to get the chains off?"  
  
Another thud, although not so loud, told Daniel that Sam was now on the ground.  
  
"Well, Carter has a cut on her head. I swear, one of these days she'll have been knocked on the head so much that she'll start to forget all that techno babble that keeps us all so amused." Jack said, trying to wipe the blood carefully off the Major's forehead. "As to your question Danny, Carter has one of those things for picking locks, a skeleton key."  
  
"Won't that have been taken with our stuff?"  
  
"She keeps it in one of her pockets...uh, Daniel, want to find it?"  
  
"Well I would but me chains won't go that far," He pulled on them showing his lack of being able to move towards her. "So you'll have to do it."  
  
"I was afraid of that." The Colonel muttered to himself before starting with the lowest pocket, near Sam's knee.  
  
Teal'c and Daniel watched as Jack rummaged around each pocket coming up empty handed.  
  
"I got nowt." He sighed.  
  
"You have not tried her back pockets." Teal'c stated.  
  
"Why would she keep them there?"  
  
"Wouldn't it dig in if she sat down?" Daniel asked.  
  
"Well Teal'c, you can check because if she comes round and feels there is someone touching her arse, I do not want to be in a five metre radius." Jack said moving away.  
  
Teal'c answered by raising an eyebrow.  
  
"What? She's vicious! Oh all right, I'll do it. But if she brings me up on charges for inappropriate behaviour towards a subordinate officer you can...found it!" He grinned and undid her manacles, then moving on to his own.  
  
"Great, now all we have to do is find a way to escape, escape and run towards the Stargate without being captured or shot." Daniel sighed as Jack freed him from the chains.  
  
"Aren't you a little ray of sunshine today? What had no coffee?"  
  
"No, as a matter of fact I haven't." Daniel huffed.  
  
"Well we better start looking for a way out, the front door isn't an option because, well we already know that these people are armed and hostile. What we need is a back door."  
  
"You don't say!" Daniel was already on his hands and knees, looking for loose slabs in the floor, his butt a perfect target for Jack's...  
  
"YEOW!!!" Daniel yelled clutching at his sore derriere. "Teal'c! You don't just kick people in the backside!"  
  
Teal'c was doing his best impression of looking confused, the raised eyebrow again. Jack was laughing his head off whilst feeling the wall for any gaps and anomalies the other side of the room.  
  
"It's not funny Jack, it really hurts." Daniel wined.  
  
"Oh grow up Daniel, there are more important things than your butt at the moment so hurry up and find an exit."  
  
"Just because he beat you to it." Daniel muttered.  
  
Loud gunfire and yelling could be heard from outside.  
  
"Wonder what that's about." Jack said sitting himself down by his 2IC.  
  
"They're probably trying to discover the wheel by shooting a tree or something." Daniel mused.  
  
"They have already discovered the wheel Daniel Jackson, the carts did indeed have wheels." Said Teal'c as confused as ever.  
  
"It was sarcasm T. Daniel isn't so good at it but you get the gist."  
  
"No, it just amazes me that a culture with a derivative of the machine gun could be so primitive in other aspects, like clothes, houses and language." Daniel said sitting the other side of Sam.  
  
"They're just cavemen with guns, or maybe people form the Iron Age." He said holding up the shackles they had been held by. "Well get comfy, we maybe here for some time."  
  
Just as he finished his sentence there was a loud bang on the door and a shout, which sounded very familiar.  
  
"Griff! That you?"  
  
"Colonel! Do you know how to open this door?" The voice shouted.  
  
"If we did we wouldn't still be here!"  
  
"Sorry Jack, I'll blow it." As he finished there was about a minute's silence then a loud explosion. The door fell inwards just missing Daniel's feet by a centimetre creating a cloud of dust and sand.  
  
"Is everyone trying to kill me?"  
  
"No Doctor Jackson, we came here to rescue you." The major walked into the cell smiling. "So what you do this time?"  
  
"We have no idea, but we would like to get out of here!" Jack said picking up Sam and making his way past Major Griff who grinned and followed the leader of SG1 out of the cell and through the village. "Dial her up Daniel."  
  
As Daniel started to press the symbols for Earth on the DHD Sam started to come round.  
  
"So, you decided to join us Major?"  
  
"Wha?" She asked looking up at her CO with fuzzy eyes. "What happened?"  
  
"Well the locals were a bit pissed with us, knocked us out and chained us to the ceiling of a lovely little cell. Can you walk?"  
  
"I think so."  
  
The Colonel put her down gently and put an arm around her to stop her from falling over.  
  
"How do you feel?"  
  
"Other than the massive headache? Fine."  
  
"How many fingers am I holding up?" He asked holding up three.  
  
"Three."  
  
"Good, least you can see straight." Jack grinned. "So can you remember what we did to piss these lovely folk off?"  
  
"Yes Sir, you sat on the Sacred Stool of Signio."  
  
"Oh, well you don't have to put that in your report." He muttered before helping her up the steps to the Stargate.  
  
"Yeahsureyabetcha." Sam grinned as they stepped through the shimmering blue event horizon and disappeared.  
  
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Finito. Please review-I loves you all!!! ( 


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